Holywood

The Abbey at Tignes, obscure and remote in the French alps and home to a community of monks headed by ABBOT COSTELLO, 30s, whose income is making snow globes.

At the Cannes Hilton, HARVEY HOFFMAN, 60s and rotund, celebrates the ringing in of 2000 and Y-2-K, aided by BAMBI BARNETT, 30s, and JEAN CLAUDE TESSIER, 30s. The champagne flows, Jean Claude gives Harvey directions to Torino and as Harvey drives through the mountains, he crashes.

Harvey awakens to a snowy blizzard in a snow globe, shaken in his face by BROTHER BERNARD, 20s, presided over by BROTHER MATISSE, 60s. Harvey, bandaged up from the car crash, brings his abrasive and condescending abuse to everyone in sight, but the brothers treat him with courtesy and respect, believing Harvey was sent as a test of their faith. Harvey leaves, healed and thankful.

Present day. Abbot shows his age. Times have been hard in the intervening years and gone are the silver, tapestries and carved furniture. HAROLD COHEN, 80s, visits and informs Abbot that they have inherited Harvey’s entire estate but there’s a catch: they have to take possession in person. In dire straits and close to financial ruin, the order sells the abbey and they head to Hollywood.

At their Malibu beachfront mansion, Bambi marshals an army of movers who remove the old and haul in the new. The Abott and Brothers arrive and meet Bambi, who escorts them inside for a tour of their new home. Later, Abbot and Brother Matisse discover all the furniture came from a Hollywood prop house. Decked out in designer habits, Bambi keeps them busy at every tourist trap in Southern California. Finally, Abbot insists they assume their duties at the studio.

Bambi takes them to Playtime Pictures and Harvey’s office where they meet TURID TORKELSEN, 70s, Harvey’s secretary. She presents Abbot with an envelope Harvey left where Harvey explains that they make adult films. Playtime is currently in production and the director is out of control. Abbot, Turid and Bambi go to the stage where Abbot suspends production and fires the director.

The next day, Bambi shows Abbot their front page story in Daily Variety. Abbot goes to get advice from the president of Paramount Studios, a good Catholic. Abbot tells the Brothers of his meeting and the bottom line is that no one is going to buy Playtime.

Looking for a new direction, Abbot and Bambi read scripts for days and find nothing suitable. Turid feared this and booked them into a pitch fest. At WriterCon, they hear a pitch from JOYCE, 40s. Turid opens an ominous letter from the Bank of Hollywood.

At the Malibu mansion the chapel, stunning in its simplicity, is completed.

Abbot presides over a meeting of department heads for the new picture. When Bambi arrives with fast food, she brings along her son, PARKER, 10. Turid brings in the letter from the bank. European producer Jean Claude Tessier makes an offer to buy Playtime’s old adult film library just as Bambi arrives with food.

Production on Playtime’s “Valentine’s Gift” begins. That night on location, Jean Claude arrives to visit Bambi. The flame has been rekindled.

The old Playtime sign comes down, Jean Claude arrives with champagne to celebrate and meets Parker. Life returns to normal at the mansion as vegetables are planted and snow globe production resumes.

At LAX, Jean Claude sprints to the car in a tuxedo and soon they arrive at the premier of “Valentine’s Gift” where Playtime’s new name is revealed.